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Blurred Lines: Setting Healthy Boundaries at Work

Success in the workplace depends on your ability to relate effectively to people. Research shows that 60-80% of all difficulties in organizations stem from strained relationships between employees, not from deficits in an individual employee’s skill or motivation.1

Difficult workplace relationships are far more than a nuisance; they can cause anxiety, burnout, clinical depression and even physical illness.

Healthy relationships at work can propel you to great heights of achievement; dysfunctional or toxic ones will tether you to mediocrity. When we mismanage relationships, the fall-out affects productivity and quite possibly our ability to advance. Your success at work depends on your ability to set the kinds of boundaries that encourage mutual respect and keep the focus on productivity.

7 Tale-Tell Signs of a Toxic Relationship

You’re in a toxic professional relationship with a boss or peer when they:


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About the Author

Van MoodyField expert Van Moody is the author of The People Factor (an upcoming release by publisher Thomas Nelson) and a motivational speaker who advises on matters related to relationships as they pertain to friends, family, significant others and the workplace. He is a ‘People Scholar’ who helps others build their ‘Relational IQ’ to achieve success at home, in their social circles, and in business. He may be reached online at www.vanmoody.com.

Reference

1. Association for Psychological Type International, APTI

The New World of Beta Curation

Today’s American corporate world is a tale of two cultures. One, more traditional and common, is centralized and hierarchical. I call it Alpha. The other, smaller and rarer, is decentralized, horizontal, and inclusive. I call this one Beta. To flourish in today’s business environment, organizations and individuals need to transition from the outdated Alpha system to the fast-growing Beta paradigm. The increased communication and collaboration required of Beta organizations demand a new style of leadership and career planning.

Beta leaders need to be curators, not commanders. Rather than striving to be content experts on every aspect of their operation, they need to be able to collect, sort, analyze data, and edit all communication and collaborative streams of information that could potentially influence their business. Organizations need to have dozens, maybe hundreds, of individual experts, fully capable of idea generation and innovative thought. In turn, these experts must be encouraged to drill down deep in their own specializations, develop plans and strategies, and share them with the rest of the organization. Beta leaders then need to sort through the ideas, figure out how they fit together, and then recombine them so the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.


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About the Author

Dana Ardi, Ph.D. is the founder of Corporate Anthropology Advisors and the author of The Fall of the Alphas: The New Beta Way to Connect, Collaborate, Influence – and Lead. She has served as a Partner/Managing Director at CCMP Capital and JPMorgan Partners and was a Partner at Flatiron Partners. Earlier in her career, Dr. Ardi was an operating executive at R. R. Donnelly & Sons and at McGraw-Hill. She also has a background managing and leading executive search firms. To read Dr. Ardi’s complete biography, click here.

Who is Martin Rooney? And why you need to know.

In early August I got a call from a guy named Martin Rooney who had just moved to Charlotte from New Jersey. Turns out we had a mutual friend who insisted Martin and I meet.

I agreed to meet. He’s a new guy in town and he’s a friend of a good friend. We’d have a short meeting and be done. So I scheduled a 30-minute breakfast.

At breakfast, Martin and I began to talk. Three hours later, we were still talking.

We talked sales, martial arts, fitness, health, speaking, writing, and 100 other things. We exchanged books and agreed to carry the conversation deeper. Martin agreed to help me get ‘in better physical shape’ at his training facility.

Martin Rooney bills himself as a Fitness Philosopher. But he is at the top of his profession as both a trainer and a speaker on fitness. He has been a trainer-consultant to athletes from the NFL, MLB, NBA, and has trained numerous Olympic medalists. He produced the fastest athlete at the NFL Scouting Combine four times. One hundred of the athletes Martin has trained have been drafted to the NFL, and the contracts signed were in excess of a billion dollars. Not bad.

My training is taking place at one of the facilities he licenses in his, ‘Training for Warriors’ program. He now has over 70 locations worldwide and over 1,000 trainers have become certified in his training system. Not bad.

So, what’s the attraction? Adonis wants to train an overweight old man. Doesn’t seem like a fit – until you discover our mutual passions: thinking, writing, and speaking. We also both have four daughters, and we’re both from New Jersey. We are helpers at heart, and we exchanged amazing ideas in the first three hours. So many ideas that I believe I have found a new life-long friend. Not bad.

He gave me a copy of his book Rooney’s Rules. He creates a new health, fitness, sales, philosophical rule every day.

Here are a few examples of his philosophy, his thinking, and his writing:

  • Want to be REMEMBERED tomorrow? Then don’t FORGET to do something great today.
  • You don’t become the thing you THINK about all the time. You become the thing you DO all the time.
  • The real garbage holding you back is all the time you throw away.
  • Try new things. Biting into the unknown may be the best way to cut your wisdom teeth.
  • Success may have less to do with the depth of your background than it does with the strength of your backbone.
  • When fighting this battle called life, taking yourself lightly may be your heaviest artillery.
  • Hindsight is worthless until you are able to use it to gain insight that can be used to positively affect your Foresight.
  • Algebra and Trigonometry are less important than learning to correctly add your strengths, subtract your faults, divide your time and multiply your talents.
  • Just like a well-prepared meal, a well-prepared day often ends with a clean plate.
  • If you aspire to retire after building an empire, the best way is to inspire as many people before you expire.
  • Most people often develop a weak set of knees when it comes time to take a stand for themselves.
  • Perhaps the most important thing you can be when you grow up is Yourself.
  • The key to confidence has less to do with inborn talent than it does with ingrained practice.
  • Just like the tide, you will rise or fall as a result of the most influential bodies around you.
  • The Road to Success does not intersect with the Path of Least Resistance.
  • Joy follows success. Success follows experience. Experience follows failure. Don’t fear failure. Without it there is no joy.
  • Your life will not be measured by how many days you get to ‘take off,’ but instead by how many of the days you ‘take on.’
  • The easiest way to lead an unsuccessful life is to work hard all day to get out of a hard day’s work.
  • Most people think the difference between easy and hard can be found in the problem. Successful people know it’s found in your head.
  • Your Reputation and Credibility are just like your muscles. They take years to develop but can be lost in a short time of misuse.
  • Action is your most important export. Better to use it up in the storefront than to keep it stored away in the warehouse.
  • You’re a product of your priorities. You have 168 hours a week. If you can’t find five to workout, you’re not busy; you’re insane.
  • Don’t go ‘halfway’ with anything you do. Either go ‘all out’ or not at all. Your ‘whole heart’ always beats your ‘half ass.’
  • Make your enthusiasm for success stronger than your fear of failure and you will become unstoppable.
  • One way to stand out is to be kind, fair and hard working in a world that often isn’t.
  • Unlike a great steak, great effort can be rare and well done at the same time.
  • Waves of problems will always break on the shores of your life. It is not the wave, but how each is ridden that will reveal you.

Pretty cool, huh? Martin Rooney is a deep thinker and doer who is able to express himself in a very intelligent and thought-provoking way.

He’s putting me through my paces. And I’m loving it.

SO FAR: I have been to Martin’s workout facility six times. I’m getting personal training from a world master. And it’s a fun exchange of ideas along with the grunting. I love it. I am building strength and friendship at the same time.

Reprinted with permission from Jeffrey H. Gitomer and Buy Gitomer.


About the Author

Jeffrey Gitomer is the author of The Sales Bible, Customer Satisfaction is Worthless Customer Loyalty is Priceless, The Little Red Book of Selling, The Little Red Book of Sales Answers, The Little Black Book of Connections, The Little Gold Book of YES! Attitude, The Little Green Book of Getting Your Way, The Little Platinum Book of Cha-Ching, The Little Teal Book of Trust, The Little Book of Leadership, and Social BOOM! His website, www.gitomer.com, will lead you to more information about training and seminars, or email him personally at [email protected].

Do your people WANT to listen to you?

I’m at a corporate conference about to give my 90-minute, customized, personalized talk. I spent hours preparing it – as I do all my talks – and I’ve spent the last 20 years improving my speaking, presentation, and performance skills.

I’m not just a speaker. I’m a student speaker.

Anyway, before my talk, the two corporate leaders of a multi-billion-dollar company addressed the gathered 200 in the audience. The attendees are eager to hear their words and looking for (hoping for) inspiration and direction.

Unfortunately, they didn’t get either.

The leaders, although smart and capable, are HORRIBLE presenters. I guess they don’t consider the skill important enough to master. Not good. They have a responsibility to be GREAT. Their people are counting on it.

REALITY QUESTION: How’s your leader? How are his or her presentation skills? REALITY QUESTION: How good of a presenter are you?
REALITY QUESTION: Do your people, your audience, and your customer WANT to listen to you? Or do they HAVE to listen to you?
REALITY QUESTION: When you’re giving a talk or making a presentation, how compelling is your message?
REALITY QUESTION: Are you afraid to give a talk? NO – you’re just unprepared. Or not prepared enough to own the talk. NOTE WELL: You can never own the prospect, the customer, or the audience if you don’t own the presentation.

When you give a talk or make a presentation, make certain you understand:

  • What your engagement points are.
  • How you want the audience to walk away feeling.
  • What you want the audience to do tomorrow?

BIG SECRET: Think of it as a performance, not a presentation.
BIGGER SECRET: Never stand behind a podium. Get down off the platform and walk around.
BIGGEST SECRET: Learn to perform by singing Karaoke. (I did.)

If you’re giving a speech (and you should be in order to be perceived as a leader), or making a presentation, there are some strategies and elements you must employ in order to ensure maximum attraction, engagement, connection, and maybe even sale…

1. Use genuine humor. Start with a comment or story that leads to BOTH laughter and learning. Go on YouTube and look at my videos. They will provide answers tohumor and education. At the end of humor is the height of listening.
2. Ask poignant questions. Ask people what they’re hoping for. Make the people you’re addressing THINK. Especially about themselves.
3. Ask intellectual questions. Talk about their experiences and yours. Show wisdom. Ask about subject matter knowledge.
4. Tell a story that relates to you AND them. Real life experiences are both relatable and create incentive to take action. NOTE WELL: Facts and figures are forgotten. Stories are retold.
5. Customization based on their real world. The people you present to only care about themselves and their issues. Focus on that.
6. Incorporate their philosophy, mission, brand, and theme. The more you do, the more respect you will gain.
7. Give 5-10 major points they can walk away with and use immediately. Give ideas they canuse. That’s what preparation is all about.
8. Have simple slides. Make certain your slides are easy to follow, fun, and readable. And there should only be one point per slide.
9. Very little talk about you. Not who you are. Rather, what you do and how you can help them.
9.5 End with emotion. (Maybe even ask for the sale.) Family or other concepts the audience can relate to and identify with.

At the end of your presentation/performance…

  • You want the audience to react and respond. Buy, do better, do new things, applaud, or STAND and applaud. The quality of your talk will be the determining factor.
  • You want the audience (or the prospect or the customer) to remember you and the moment. The only way that happens is if you perform remarkably.
  • You want outcome and buzz as a result of your words, ideas, value, and inspiration. You seek a favorable outcome. So does the person receiving your message. Was it ho-hum, or worth talking about? Was it value driven to a point of taking action, or was it without punch or inspiration?

The ultimate goal is to have impact over time. If you are able to follow-up by getting people to subscribe to your blog or ezine, you can actually document and measure the success of your ideas, product, or service. And that feedback can drive your success if you pay attention to it.

Want a report card? Video your presentation and watch it twice. Once for the pain, and once to take self-improvement notes. The best and toughest presentation skill lesson in the world is the one you give yourself.

Want a path to success? Commit to personal presentation skills improvement. Take a Dale Carnegie course and join Toastmasters. Give talks at your local civic association. Not only are sales leads there, it’s also a relaxed, learning opportunity. Take it.

Reprinted with permission from Jeffrey H. Gitomer and Buy Gitomer.


About the Author

Jeffrey Gitomer is the author of The Sales Bible, Customer Satisfaction is Worthless Customer Loyalty is Priceless, The Little Red Book of Selling, The Little Red Book of Sales Answers, The Little Black Book of Connections, The Little Gold Book of YES! Attitude, The Little Green Book of Getting Your Way, The Little Platinum Book of Cha-Ching, The Little Teal Book of Trust, The Little Book of Leadership, and Social BOOM! His website, www.gitomer.com, will lead you to more information about training and seminars, or email him personally at [email protected].

Leadership actions that are not an option for leaders.

“Where’s the action? Where’s the game?” is a line in the song “Oldest Established” from the immortal Broadway show (and my personal favorite) Guys and Dolls.

For the uninformed, the show is about a craps game and a leader named Nathan Detroit. The movie version stars Frank Sinatra and Marlon Brando and won all kinds of awards.

The plot is about gambling, winning, attracting, and making it happen no matter what. It’s just a great show and movie with great music and a happy ending.

The theme is one of looking to the leader to make things happen. And it’s the same in your business – just without the craps game and the songs. BUT not without gambling. All business is a gamble and all businesses look to their leaders to ‘make it happen.’

Here are the actions I have observed about leadership that are mandatory for leadership success. They’re internal actions that build trust, earn respect, and create a team of inspired people – inspired to be productive and do their best…

  • Great leaders are value providers, not order givers. At the TOP of every employee’s list of job wants (besides more money) is to be appreciated and valued. When appreciation for a job well done is conveyed, positive environment thrives.
  • Great leaders tell the truth. Truth creates trust and confidence and a reliance on the consistency of message. All other leadership characteristics and outcomes fade if there is a lack of truth. (Same in life.)
  • Great leaders are in control and earn respect. Quick to decide and not afraid to make or admit mistakes, great leaders are respected because they take action and respected because they are vulnerable.
  • Great leaders focus on OUTCOME to ensure completed tasks. Don’t focus on task or project completion. Rather, think what will happen AFTER the project is completed. Outcome, not task. Outcome, not results.
  • Great leaders are responsible by example and expect the same from their people. Everyone ‘looks’ to and at leaders. Watches their every move. If the leader is slack, lacks work ethic, or is slow to decide, they have given tacit permission to their team to be and do the same. The best leaders are first in, last out, and work their ass off in the middle.
  • Great leaders value and display tolerance and temperance. First in themselves – then from others. I’m not a fan of leaders who rant. Lots of successful ones do rant, but there are rules to follow if you’re one of them.
    RULE 1 – Praise in public.
    RULE 2 – Reprimand in private.
    RULE 2.5 – Record yourself doing both praise and reprimand. See how you sound to others by listening to yourself. You may not like it.
  • Great leaders are excellent communicators that are listened to intently, and are clearly understood. The one characteristic that gets more productivity and generates more achievement and positive outcome is clear communication. Leaders have a responsibility and a challenge to be excellent at it.
  • Great leaders train WITH their people, continuously. If training is to have a lasting value, it must have leadership support AND participation. Leaders must train to be better leaders. Start by rating yourself 1-10 on the qualities I have listed here. Anything less that a 7 (out of 10) requires immediate attention.
  • Great leaders are wide open to new ideas and innovation. “That’s the way we’ve always done it” is a recipe for failure. Leaders are readers, constantly searching for new ways to be better.
  • Great leaders are tech-savvy. Leaders need to be tweeters, and need to lead the way by communicating value and ideas through social media. A leader’s example can create an avalanche of great service, goodwill, loyal customers, increased sales, and better reputation – or not.
  • Great leaders concentrate on and think BEST. It always takes extra effort to be or strive to be ‘best,’ that’s why so many people fail. Failure occurs when people (leaders or not) fail to do their best and be their best – daily.
  • Great leaders remain committed. The best leaders never waver. They’re loyal, steadfast examples of what and who others aspire to be and be like. They’re not just mission driven; they’re also ‘personal mission’ driven. They are respected and followed because of their commitment.
  • Great leaders encourage. They build pride with a ‘you can do it’ philosophy and communication style. They encourage their people to succeed, and do so with a helpful, positive attitude. A coach and a teacher, not a manager or a boss. Big difference, both in results and morale.

Did I just define your leader? Did I just define how you are inspired to be and do your best every day? I hope so, but I doubt it.

The challenge for you, whether you’re a leader or a team member, is to study these qualities, and talk about them openly. One of the tragedies of leadership is that the (overrated) 360-degree feedback process, usually only goes 180 degrees.

Great leaders don’t just lead by example – they set the standard. What kind of standard are you setting?

Reprinted with permission from Jeffrey H. Gitomer and Buy Gitomer.


About the Author

Jeffrey Gitomer is the author of The Sales Bible, Customer Satisfaction is Worthless Customer Loyalty is Priceless, The Little Red Book of Selling, The Little Red Book of Sales Answers, The Little Black Book of Connections, The Little Gold Book of YES! Attitude, The Little Green Book of Getting Your Way, The Little Platinum Book of Cha-Ching, The Little Teal Book of Trust, The Little Book of Leadership, and Social BOOM! His website, www.gitomer.com, will lead you to more information about training and seminars, or email him personally at [email protected].