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We Don’t Really Hear Each Other

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We are not always able to accurately hear what others mean to convey. Sometimes we hear only a fraction of what’s been said and our brains misunderstand or bias the rest – and we might not realize it until it’s too late, causing us to believe we’re right and others are wrong, or moving to action using the wrong assumptions. We’re left with restricted communication and creativity, failed relationships, and lost profit. And none of it is our fault.

We try to attend carefully to what’s being said. Yet our pesky brains do some pretty sophisticated stuff, all without our conscious consent: they

  • delete or misconstrue or filter out what sounds wrong or goes against our beliefs or is unfamiliar, then
  • matches what’s left with a historic memory of a ‘similar-enough’ conversation and
  • throws out what doesn’t match that memory.

Whatever is left is what we believe has been said.

In conversations with familiar folks, there is less of a gap; with folks we don’t know, in dialogues that are outside of our habitual knowledge base, or when we enter conversations with a rigid goal, we accurately understand far less of what was actually meant. A problem occurs when we are convinced – certain – that what we heard is accurate, and don’t know when, if, or how, to take measures to fix a problem we don’t believe we have. As a result we unwittingly compromise relationships, business, partnerships, creativity, and success.

With little control over what our brains tell us we’ve heard, we’re left with the fallout:

  • Misunderstandings that remain unresolved because we believe – we’re certain – we’re right;
  • Bad feelings and take-aways caused by misheard communication;
  • Biased assumptions that cause inadequate responses and failed initiatives;
  • Misheard facts that lead to inaccuracies in business, technology, relationships;
  • Restricted creativity, laps in leadership, therapy, coaching, and medical advice.

We misunderstand doctors, make assumptions with our teenagers and vendors, bias communications with family members and colleagues, set up filters before conversations with historic relationships. Our lives are influenced by how accurately we hear what others mean to convey.

But a new book is out that will resolve these problems. What? Did you really say what I think I heard? not only describes how, exactly, our brains create the instinctive actions that limit our ability to hear others without bias or misunderstanding, but also shows how to intervene our automatic behaviors and hear others as they intend to be heard.

Different from books on Active Listening which merely enables listeners to hear words, What? focuses on understanding intended meaning. Using exercises and assessments, funny stories and authentic appeal, New York Times best selling author and StrategyDriven Principal Contributor, Sharon Drew Morgen has written a game changer, a book that thoroughly breaks down every aspect of how we interpret what others mean to tell us, how the understanding gap between Sender and Receiver is created, and the skills to avoid any misinterpretation or bias at all. It’s a book that will be the foremost communication book for decades and the book is being offered for free (no opt in).

Go to www.didihearyou.com where you can get the book, and peruse the learning tools that accompany the book for those wishing to recognize any obstacles with their listening habits (Assessments) or learn how to overcome any bias and misinterpretation issues (Study Guide) that occur during conversations.

About the Author

Sharon Drew Morgen is founder of Morgen Facilitations, Inc. (www.newsalesparadigm.com). She is the visionary behind Buying Facilitation®, the decision facilitation model that enables people to change with integrity. A pioneer who has spoken about, written about, and taught the skills to help buyers buy, she is the author of the acclaimed New York Times Business Bestseller Selling with Integrity and Dirty Little Secrets: Why buyers can’t buy and sellers can’t sell and what you can do about it.

To contact Sharon Drew at [email protected] or go to www.didihearyou.com to choose your favorite digital site to download your free book.

What Does Your Voice Say About You?

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StrategyDriven Practices for Professionals ArticleUnless there is an obvious problem, most of us don’t give more than an occasional passing thought to how our voice sounds. However, recent research on how vocal quality affects others’ perceptions may make you think twice.

A recent article in the Wall Street Journal discusses a study that shows that the quality of your voice has an even stronger impact on how you are perceived than the content of your message. As listeners provided feedback on speakers, it was found that their vocal quality mattered twice as much as the content of the message. The article cites another study as well, which showed that people who heard recordings of rough, weak, strained or breathy voices judged the speakers to be negative, weak, passive or tense. On the other hand, speakers with ‘normal’ voices are seen as successful, sexy, sociable and smart. This difference in perception can be particularly important in a professional environment where the way others perceive you can make the difference between gaining or losing a client or moving up the corporate ladder. A study in Forbes magazine even showed how poor vocal quality can actually cost you money in the long run.

One of the key components to a strong, dynamic voice is breath support. Your breath is the power behind your voice. If you aren’t breathing properly and getting enough air, you will strain your voice trying to be heard. Often people try to compensate for poor breath support by using muscular tension to increase volume. Over time, this will cause your vocal quality to suffer, and may cause physical damage to your vocal cords. Proper breath support begins with breathing from the abdomen, not the chest: your stomach and lower ribcage should expand outwards as you breathe, and your chest should not rise. If you have trouble mastering this technique, lay on your back with your hand on your stomach and take a deep, relaxing breath as though you were about to go to sleep. When in this position, our body naturally reverts to proper breathing. After you’ve gotten used to how this type of breathing feels, stand up and take a few deep breaths, maintaining the technique. Then, practice speaking aloud with this type of breathing.

You can also improve your vocal quality by eliminating habits that are damaging to your vocal cords. One common vocal sin is not drinking enough water. Parched vocal cords can be easily damaged and decrease the quality of your voice. Keep a bottle of water with you throughout the workday, especially situations in which you’ll be speaking for a long time or in front of a group of people. Also, be aware of other factors that can be dehydrating. Caffeine and alcohol are both dehydrating substances; if possible, limit your consumption of both prior to speaking in public. Some medications, such as antihistamines, can also have a drying effect.

Another bad habit is raising your voice to speak above noise. While there are certainly situations that call for more vocal power, consistently raising your voice above its natural volume can be damaging. Before shouting, make your first line of defense modifying the environment instead. Step out of a noisy room, shut the door, or walk closer to someone who is standing far away. If you are giving a presentation, use a microphone instead of trying to shout to the back of the room.

A powerful, dynamic voice is critical to professional success in today’s competitive workplace. Luckily you can change the way you sound! Follow the strategies above for a strong commanding voice. If you’d like to make more significant changes in your general vocal quality, you may want to enlist the help of a corporate speech-language pathologist who can provide vocal training to target your specific needs.

Remember: it doesn’t matter how strong your professional skills are if your listener is distracted by your voice or communication style. But with a little time and effort, you can make your communication skills your most powerful professional tool!

About the Author

Jayne LatzJayne Latz is an expert in communication and CEO of Corporate Speech Solutions, LLC. She has worked as a speech trainer, coach, professional speaker, and has co-authored two books titled, Talking Business: A Guide to Professional Communication and Talking Business: When English is Your Second Language. She was recently featured in The Wall Street Journal and on The TODAY Show.

If you are interested in learning more ways to improve your business communication skills, contact Jayne at [email protected] or visit www.corporatespeechsolutions.com.

Present for Success

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StrategyDriven Practices for Professionals ArticleDoes this sound familiar? You have a big presentation and you practice reading your notes for several days. You work on the perfect PowerPoint slides and polish your content, but on the big day it feels like your presentation falls flat. What happened?

If public speaking makes you uncomfortable or gives you anxiety, you’re not alone: public speaking is one of the most common fears in the United States. Unfortunately, that anxiety can interfere with your delivery. It doesn’t matter how strong the content of your presentation is, if you’re unable to speak in a clear, confident manner, your message will suffer. In fact, recent research has shown that how you say something actually matters twice as much as what you say!

Learning to speak with confidence and master the art of public speaking is crucial to professional success. Whether it’s giving a sales presentation, pitching an idea to a committee, or presenting your ideas to a prospect or client, the ability to speak in a clear, engaging and confident manner is a crucial part of advancing your career. In today’s business world it is imperative that we polish our tone, engage the audience and deliver a dynamic presentation; even if it is just to one person.

Ready to take your public speaking skills to the next level? Take a look at these five tips to improve your speaking and presentation skills:

  1. Always keep water on hand when you speak. I am always surprised to see people stand at a podium or deliver a speech of greater than fifteen minutes and not have an accompanying glass or bottle of water. Speaking for a prolonged period can dehydrate your vocal cords, and dry mouth caused by nerves can make the situation worse. Staying well hydrated will help keep your voice strong and clear. In addition, taking a sip of water can be a great way to take a moment to compose yourself and collect your thoughts during your presentation.
  2. Don’t forget to breathe! Closing your eyes and taking a few deep breaths before you present is remarkably effective for helping you to calm down and focus on the task at hand. Take a moment and breathe in through your nose and out from your mouth several times before taking the stage or podium. Taking deep breaths from your abdomen as you speak helps you retain this calm, and also gives power to your voice.
  3. Before you begin, take two minutes to do some vocal warm-up exercises. They’ll help to relax you and make your speech more fluid. This is even more important if you are giving a morning presentation and have not yet conversed with colleagues; you literally need to “warm-up” your voice! Lip flutters and humming are two simple and effective ways to warm up, and sliding your voice from its highest to lowest speaking pitch can prepare your vocal cords to use the range you need for a dynamic, engaging speaking voice.
  4. Improve your clarity. When people get nervous they tend to rush the delivery of their message, which subsequently causes mumbling. When people swallow their words or mumble, the importance of the message can be lost. Focus on saying each sound, especially at the ends of words.
  5. Practice! If you’re completely confident in the content of your presentation beforehand, you’ll be much more relaxed, and free to focus on the quality of your speech and your presentation style. Once you’re confident in what you are going to say, put in some additional practice time focusing on your performance style. If you incorporate clear speech and a dynamic voice into your practice, it will come much more naturally on the big day.

Polishing your public speaking skills will help you to gain confidence and increase your professional credibility. Take the time to focus on your speaking style, and make sure your presentation is doing your message justice. Remember: It’s not just what you say, it’s how you say it!

About the Author

Jayne LatzJayne Latz is an expert in communication and CEO of Corporate Speech Solutions, LLC. She has worked as a speech trainer, coach, professional speaker, and has co-authored two books titled, Talking Business: A Guide to Professional Communication and Talking Business: When English is Your Second Language. She was recently featured in The Wall Street Journal and on The TODAY Show.

If you are interested in learning more ways to improve your business communication skills, contact Jayne at [email protected] or visit www.corporatespeechsolutions.com.

The Advisor’s Corner – Are People Listening to Me?

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Are People Listening to Me?Question:

Is it me, or are people listening less and less at work and at home?

StrategyDriven Response: (by Roxi Hewertson, StrategyDriven Principal Contributor)

I have observed a continuous degradation in communication skills among leaders for over two decades, and yes it IS getting worse. This may not surprise you, but it should get your attention. Poor communications skills are rampant in the workplace. We wag our fingers at politicians who are not listening to each other and yet, we are doing the same things in our own workplaces all around the country. The results may be less catastrophic (or not); never-the-less, the impact on our people, businesses and society is huge! While technology gets a lot of blame, I suggest that, like any tool, technology can be used in positive or negative ways. What really matters is HOW we CHOOSE to communicate, and use our tools.

Tools work well for:

  • sharing information
  • setting up meetings
  • keeping a record

They do not work well:

  • when we need to build a relationship, have a dialogue, or make a decision
  • when we copy the world to cover our bases or boost our egos
  • when there is emotion involved

A recent Development Dimensions International (DDI) study, Driving Workplace Performance through High-Quality Conversations: What leaders must do every day to be effective, accurately reflects my work with clients, and reminds us that leaders, peers and direct reports, need to hold more effective conversations to get more effective business performance. Since communication norms are deeply woven into the tapestry of every organization’s culture, this challenge starts with the CEO and involves all her/his leaders. The DDI study validates how important emotional intelligence competencies, particularly self-awareness and social skills are in human interactions.

Everything we do happens through our relationships – at work and in life. When communication is poor or stops, the relationship is poor or stops and vice versa. In the DDI study they point out that senior leaders have not mastered these (communication) skills any better than other less senior leaders, even though they have been at it longer. What happens instead? Take a few moments over the next several days to see if you notice any of these poor interaction habits in leaders you know, including yourself:

1. Jumping to task before understanding the full picture.
One Solution: Take time to gather information and listen carefully.

2. Unskilled at or choosing not to have, effective conversations.
One Solution: Learn this skill or get out of leadership.

3. Failing to engage others in decisions that impact them.
One Solution: Ask yourself, “Who is impacted by this decision?” and
engage them early on.

4. Failing to demonstrate authentic empathy.
One Solution: Slow down and truly put yourself in another person’s shoes. What might it be like to be them right now? Don’t know? Ask them.

5. Ego and personal agenda driven.
One Solution: Ask yourself, “Do I really need to be or prove I am right? Or do I want my team to succeed no matter whose idea it is?”

6. Unable to facilitate a productive meeting/discussion.
One Solution: Learn these skills and/or engage skilled facilitators to help you.

The systemic solution to improving interaction and communication skills in your organization, is to make it matter. It’s quite simple to do. What you reward, is what you will get. What you don’t reward, you will get much less often. Leaders generally know what a good conversation looks like.

Knowing is the easy part. Doing is the hard part. Since the leaders’ number one responsibility is to create and nurture the desired culture to get the desired results, every leader’s choices and priorities will roll downhill. This is particularly true for the behaviors we model to our direct reports – all the way from the C-Suite to the front line. At the end of the day, when we are not truly listening… we are not leading. Period.

Access the full report here, Driving Workplace Performance Through High-Quality Conversations: What leaders must do every day to be effective

About the Author

Roxi HewertsonLeadership authority Roxana (Roxi) Hewertson is a no-nonsense business veteran revered for her nuts-and-bolts, tell-it-like-it-is approach and practical, out-of-the-box insights that help both emerging and expert managers, executives and owners boost quantifiable job performance in various mission critical facets of business. Through AskRoxi.com, Roxi — “the Dear Abby of Leadership” — imparts invaluable free advice to managers and leaders at all levels, from the bullpen to the boardroom, to help them solve problems, become more effective and realize a higher measure of business and career success.

The StrategyDriven website was created to provide members of our community with insights to the actions that help create the shared vision, focus, and commitment needed to improve organizational alignment and accountability for the achievement of superior results. We look forward to answering your strategic planning and tactical business execution questions. Please email your questions to [email protected].

Telephone Communication: Make an Impression!

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StrategyDriven Business Communications ArticleIn our global market place we are now conducting business with people we have not and may never meet. That means that now more than ever, being able to communicate in a clear and professional manner on the phone is critical to success in today’s business world. However, strong telephone communication is more complicated than many people realize. Experts say that up to 90% of communication is non-verbal. This means that talking on the telephone can be a particularly challenging communication task, since all of that non-verbal support is removed. However, there are ways you can compensate for the loss of that non-verbal communication and make sure you leave an impression each and every time you speak on the phone.

The most important rule for telephone communication is also the simplest: speak slowly and clearly. Many people are unsure of their telephone communication skills; because of this, they have a tendency to speak rapidly, making their speech difficult to understand. Simply introducing one’s name can be lost in the rapid delivery. During telephone conversations, make an effort to speak a little more slowly than usual, and make sure that you are pronouncing each letter of every word. It is also critical to speak as clearly as possible. Because the other person can’t see your mouth, clear, crisp communication is even more important than usual. Enunciate each syllable and pronounce each letter of every word (especially the consonants at the end of a word).

When you are spelling a name or giving an e-mail address be sure to provide examples for difficult to understand letters. Some letters can be easily mistaken for one another over the phone, for example, P and T, M and N, and T and D. Examples can help avoid misunderstandings and make sure that critical contact information isn’t lost. For instance, “My e-mail address is B- as in boy, O- B- as in boy, R- D- as in dog at gmail dot com.”

Another important way to compensate for the lack of non-verbal communication is with the tone of your voice. Since the listener is unable to see your face , making an impression with your speaking style is crucial. New research shows the sound of a person’s voice strongly influences how he or she is seen. According to Quantifed Impression, an Austin, Texas communications analytics company, the sound of a speaker’s voice matters twice as much as the content of the message. When was the last time you thought about the tone with which you were conveying your message? A strong, smooth voice can enhance your chances of rising to CEO. On the other hand, a nasal whine, a raspy tone or strident volume can drive colleagues to distraction according to an article in the Wall Street Journal published in April, 2013.

Even though the person you’re talking to can’t see you, you should sit up straight or even stand up when speaking on the phone. Posture can affect your breath support and poor posture can result in a weak voice. In addition, your position can have a psychological effect on the way you communicate. If you are in a reclined or slouched position, you may be more likely to sound overly casual and relaxed. Standing up or sitting straight will help you sound more energetic.

There are innumerable times that the telephone sets the tone for future opportunity. Whether conducting a teleconference, interviewing remotely for a position, or reaching out to future clients, a telephone conversation can often make or break an opportunity. By taking the time to improve your telephone communication skills, you can establish your professional credibility, improve the clarity of your message, and create an atmosphere where both parties look forward to reconnecting in the future.

If you are interested in learning more ways to improve your telephone communication skills, contact Jayne at [email protected] to receive our free handout, Sixteen Tips to Excel on the Telephone.

In the meantime visit, www.corporatespeechsolutions.com, to learn more.

About the Author

Jayne LatzJayne Latz is an expert in communication and CEO of Corporate Speech Solutions, LLC. She has worked as a speech trainer, coach, professional speaker, and has co-authored two books titled, Talking Business: A Guide to Professional Communication and Talking Business: When English is Your Second Language. She was recently featured in The Wall Street Journal and on The TODAY Show.