I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you. Could you repeat that?

/in , /by

“I didn’t hear you.”
No, you weren’t listening.

“Our people need to listen better.”
No, your people need to understand WHY they don’t listen.

REALITY: You quit paying attention for one reason or another, AND blame it on the person talking to you. Two rudes don’t make a right.

How do you listen? That’s both a question and an enigma. Listening is one of the BIG THREE in selling, the other two are asking (engaging), and being friendly.

If you ask most salespeople, they would admit that listening is their weakest quality. In part due to impatience, but mostly because they don’t know how. Or even deeper, they don’t know the components or factors that make up the ‘why’ of listening.

To complicate the listening process even further, there are manners in which people listen – no, not “please pass the salt” manners – attitude and mood manners. These manners can affect the listening competence level by more than half.

There are 3.5 opposite sets of manners of listening:
1. Active or passive.
2. Positive or negative.
3. Open or closed.
3.5 Distracted by other business or personal matters, or not distracted.

You can almost get the feeling and meaning of these manners without me explaining them.

Listening is also broken down into elements. Each representing a ‘why.’ I have added some additional description to clarify each element. And defined a few.

The good elements of listening are:
Listen with the intent to understand. A sermon. A movie. In a classroom.
Listen with the intent to take action. Someone giving instructions.
Listen with the intent to learn. A teacher. A trainer. A seminar leader.
Listen with the intent to enjoy. Music. Sounds of nature. Waterfalls. A crackling fire.
Listen with the intent to remember. Driving directions. A website address. A phone number.

WHO you’re listening to can have a huge impact on the quality of your listening. Your mother, your boss, your spouse, your kids, your best friend, your favorite celebrity, someone you like, or someone you dislike, can affect the outcome of your listening ability. It’s their words, your mood, and your level of respect, that make up the listening effectiveness model.

The bad elements of listening are:
Listen with the intent to respond. This is where interruptions occur. You have something to say, or think you already know the answer. You start responding BEFORE the other person has finished talking. The first ‘listen’ should be: listen with the intent to understand. THEN you can respond with the full knowledge of what has been communicated. CURE: Just ask the person if they have finished their thought BEFORE you respond.
Listen with the intent to figure out an angle (manipulate). Interacting with a customer during a selling situation.
Listen because you have to obey (or try to worm out of it). Parents, teachers, and bosses top the list.
Listen because you are forced to. Your boss, teacher, or parents yelling or disciplining you.
Listen with the intent not to pay attention. Tuned off because of your unhappiness or ill feeling towards the person speaking.
Listen with the intent to argue. Whenever you’re in an argument or fight, listening is overpowered by anger and negativity.

There is also the ever popular, pretending to listen, but in another world. You have other things on your mind that are more powerful than what is being said, so you tune out whoever is speaking.

Telltale signs of not listening? Asking people to repeat. Getting instructions wrong. Making mistakes on the job. Getting rejected.

Have you ever heard someone say, “Now everybody listen-up, this is important.” What does that mean? It means that without that preface to whatever is being said next, the odds are that very few, if any, are paying attention to the person speaking.

Think about it, does Bill Gates walk into the room and say, “OK everybody listen-up?” Billy Graham? Steven Jobs? Madonna? Michael Jordan? Ted Turner? No, they walk into a room and everyone says, “SShhhhhhhh, it’s…” A hush falls over the room like a magic spell, and everyone in the room is “all ears.”

The three best states to be in when listening are: the state of calm, the state of happy, and the state of willing. These are “ear opening” states. (The worst listening states are the state of New Jersey and the state of New York. Many people there already know everything.)

FINAL SECRET: I know all of you are looking for the silver bullet that will make you an instant better listener. I’ve got it for you. Two words, and they’re not ‘shut-up.’ The secret words and action of listening are: ‘take notes.’ When you take notes, you show respect, always ‘hear,’ and have a reference to help you remember what was said or promised.

I have a list of things that negatively affect the listening stream. A self-awareness list to help you understand WHY you’re a poor listener. Go to www.gitomer.com – register if you’re a first time visitor – and enter the word WHAT? in the GitBit box.

Reprinted with permission from Jeffrey H. Gitomer and Buy Gitomer.

About the Author

Jeffrey GitomerJeffrey Gitomer is the author of The Sales Bible, Customer Satisfaction is Worthless Customer Loyalty is Priceless, The Little Red Book of Selling, The Little Red Book of Sales Answers, The Little Black Book of Connections, The Little Gold Book of YES! Attitude, The Little Green Book of Getting Your Way, The Little Platinum Book of Cha-Ching, The Little Teal Book of Trust, The Little Book of Leadership, and Social BOOM! His website, www.gitomer.com, will lead you to more information about training and seminars, or email him personally at [email protected].

Our Listening Biases Restrict Success

/in , /by

The problem with accurately hearing what others mean to convey is not that we don’t hear their words accurately. The problem is in the interpretation. During the listening process, our brains arbitrarily filter out, or reconfigure the uncomfortable, unknown, or confusing, to make what’s been said match something we’re more familiar with. And it fails to inform us of its creative editing.

As a result, we’re left understanding some fraction of what our Communication Partner(CP) meant to convey. So if I say ABC and your brain tells you I’ve said ABL, you not only have no way of knowing that you’ve not understood my intended message, but you’re thoroughly convinced you heard what I ‘said’. Obviously, this interpretation process puts relationships and communication at risk.

Case Study of Partnership Lost

While at a meeting with co-directors of a company to discuss possible partnering, there was some confusion on one of the minor topics:

John: No, SDM, you said X.
SDM: Actually I said Y and that’s quite a bit different.
John: You did NOT SAY Y. I heard you say X!!!
Margaret: I was sitting here, John. She actually did say Y. She said it clearly.
John: You’re BOTH crazy! I KNOW WHAT I HEARD! and he stomped out of the room. [End of partnership.]

As our brains haphazardly and unconsciously interpret for us, we naturally respond according to what we think we heard rather than what’s meant, restricting creativity, collaboration, and relationships.

How, then, do we have unrestricted conversations? Find ways to expand possibilities? Hear what others mean to say? Know how to take appropriate action, or negotiate creatively? I found the topic so interesting that I wrote a book on the gap between what’s said and what’s heard, the different ways our brains filter what’s been said (triggers, assumptions, biases, etc.), and how to supersede our brain to hear accurately (2 free chapters of What? Did you really say what I think I heard?).

Case Studies of Prospects Lost

One way our brains restrict our conversations happens when we enter with a preset agenda and unconsciously tell our brains to ignore whatever doesn’t fall outside the category. So when sellers listen only for ‘need’ they miss important clues that would exclude or enlist the CP as a prospect. A coaching client of mine had this conversation:

Seller: Hi. I’m Paul, from XXX. This is a sales call. I’m selling insurance. Is this a good time to speak?
Buyer: No. it’s a horrible time. It’s end of year and I’m swamped. Call back next week and I’ll have time.
Seller: ok.iwanttotellyouaboutourspecialsthatmightsuityourbusinessandmakeyoumorerevenue.

And the prospect hung up on him. Because the Seller used the traditional Buying Facilitation® opening for a cold call which welcomes prospects into a collaborative conversation, the prospect was willing to speak. But he lost interest when the Seller ignored his invitation and switched to taking care of his own needs with a pitch.

SDM: What happened? He told you he’d speak next week. And why did you speak so quickly?
Paul: He had enough time to answer the phone, so I figured I’d try to snag him into being interested. I spoke fast cuz I was trying to respect his time.

And this is a very simplistic example. Here is another one:

Halfway into a sales call, my client got hooked on his own agenda and didn’t hear reality:

Prospect: Well, we don’t have a CRM system that operates as efficiently as we would like, but our tech guys are scheduled 3 years out and our outsourcing group’s not available for another year. So we’ve created some workarounds for now.
Seller: I’d love to stop by and show you some of the features of our new CRM technology. I’m sure you’ll find it very efficient.
And that was the end of the conversation. He should have heard his intent and replied:
Wow. Sounds like a difficult situation. We’ve got a pretty efficient technology that might work for you, but obviously now isn’t the time. How would you like to stay in touch so we can speak when it’s closer to the time? Or maybe take a look at adding a few bells and whistles now to help out a bit while you wait?

By hearing and respecting the prospect’s status quo the seller would have created a ‘We Space’ where they both shared the same goals, and kept them speaking over time. Not to mention it would have been respectful. But the sellers, in both instances, only listened for what they wanted to hear and misinterpreted what was meant, and followed their own agenda at the cost of a real prospect.

We restrict possibilities when we enter calls with an agenda. We:

  • Misdefine what we hear so messages mean what we want them to mean;
  • Never achieve a true collaboration;
  • Speak and act as if something is ‘true’ when it isn’t and don’t recognize possibilities;
  • Limit our reactions and never achieve the full potential.

Here is a short list of ways to alleviate this problem (and take a look at What? for more situations and ideas):

  1. Enter each call as a mystery. Who is this person you’re calling? What’s preventing her from achieving excellence?
  2. Don’t respond immediately after someone has spoken. Wait a few seconds to take in the full dialogue and its meaning.
  3. Don’t go into a pitch, or make an assumption that a person has a need until they have determined they do – and that won’t be until much later in the conversation.
  4. Don’t enter a call with your own agenda. That leaves out the other person.

Prospects are those who will buy, not those who should buy. Enter each call to form a collaboration in which together you can hear each other and become creative. Stop trying to qualify in terms of what you sell. You’re missing opportunities and limiting what’s possible.

About the Author

Sharon Drew MorgenSharon Drew Morgen is a visionary, original thinker, and thought leader in change management and decision facilitation. She works as a coach, trainer, speaker, and consultant, and has authored 9 books including the NYTimes Business BestsellerSelling with Integrity. Morgen developed the Buying Facilitation® method (www.sharondrewmorgen.com) in 1985 to facilitate change decisions, notably to help buyers buy and help leaders and coaches affect permanent change. Her newest book What? www.didihearyou.com explains how to close the gap between what’s said and what’s heard. She can be reached at [email protected]

Even with Advanced Messaging for Business, Nothing Trumps a Classic Conversation

/in /by

The growth of alternative messaging systems for business has been remarkable. Startups like Slack reaching multi-billion dollar valuations nearly overnight and established companies like Facebook investing similar amounts into developing a platform dedicated to intra-organizational communications are fueling the drive toward new forms of communication. While these and other business messaging tools will help to reduce emails, replace meetings, and generally avoid bureaucracy all together, they can never fully replace voice interaction.

VirtualPBXIt’s Not What You Say, It’s How you Say It

Hi there! This article is available for free. Login or register as a StrategyDriven Personal Business Advisor Self-Guided Client by:

Subscribing to the Self Guided Program - It's Free!


 

About the Author

Dan QuickDan Quick regularly contributes articles and research analysis on the telecom industry with a focus on cloud-based PBX systems, continuity protection, and distributed workforces. Links to his work can be found on the VirtualPBX.com blog and he can be reached for comments at [email protected].

The Business of Kindness

/in , , /by

Lately, while listening to an NPR program, I heard a group of business people discussing kindness.

Kindness – not a word historically associated with corporations, those bastions of male verve – is now being equated with the bottom line. How times have changed. In the 90s when I gave keynotes titled ‘Sales as a Spiritual Practice’ I would get asked: “Yes, but how would we make money?”

Imagine embracing the desire to be helpful and considerate, compassionate and generous as part of accepted business practice. We all know what happens when it’s ignored. We know how workplace issues grind people down, and how infrequently those below the top tier get asked their opinions. We know we lose more good employees to treatment issues than to pay issues. We know that 70% of buying decisions are made by women.

And yet we continue assuming the bottom line is about minimizing costs and maximizing profit.

How Kindness Can Effect Our Bottom Line

The costs of degrading and ignoring employees and making customers conform to our money-saving practices cost us high turnover, a paucity of fresh ideas and new leaders, and the need to hire more supervisory managers to handle the fallout. I know a company here in Austin with a reputation of treating employees so punitively that only naïve out-of-towners apply for the many available jobs.

Research has shown kindness actually increases our bottom line:

  • When employees are asked their opinions, treated respectfully, given jobs that enable them to exhibit excellence regardless of their pay scale, they are more creative, responsible, and loyal. They adopt leadership roles, put in longer hours, and have fewer sick days.
  • When we treat our clients kindly we keep them longer, hear about problems (rather than lose them to competitors), are offered new ideas to monetize, and have brand ambassadors to offer free marketing to connections who may become clients.

Here are a few of my personal experiences of monetizing kindness:

1. Kindness with customers:

a. In Portland recently, I couldn’t locate my correct bus stop. I called the Transit help line and a person answered! And he stayed on the line until I got to my destination!

  • Takeaway: the random acts of kindness I found throughout Portland have led me to prepare to move there.

b. After not receiving my NYTimes for four Sundays, I made two angry calls. The first woman said I would need to speak with a supervisor on Monday; the second woman not only called my local delivery folks, she called back to tell me when the paper would be delivered, called again to make sure I got it, and then left me her cell number in case the problem occurred again.

  • Takeaway: I won’t cancel my subscription.

2. Kindness with employees:

a. In the 80s I ran a tech support company in London with 48 tech folks. Annually, I gave them $2000 to take a week off to renew themselves by attending any course they wanted (photography, cooking). I also required them to take off one day a month to do volunteer work. And at least four times I year went to their job sites (and they were not my direct reports), took them to lunch, and picked their brains on ways we could do better for them and for our clients. Their ideas were terrific. As a side note, I often ran into competitors at conferences who said they tried to hire my folks away yet couldn’t pry them from my grip. “What are you doing to those folks?” I was just respecting them.

  • Takeaway: there was no turnover in 4 years; the tech folks called us whenever they heard rumors of new business and I was in place by the time the vendor delivered the product.

b. I hired a full time ‘make nice’ guy whose job it was to visit staff and clients on site to make sure the relationships and programming worked efficiently, nipping problems in the bud. With no fires to fight I had nothing to do but grow my company.

  • Takeaway: revenue doubled annually; I had a 42% net profit.

The How of Kindness: Using Listening Skills Enhance Relationships

I believe the process of listening is one of the skills that will enable us to be kind. Not only do we need to set up client Listening Conferences and staff Listening Hours, we must hear what’s being said between the lines. My new book What? Did you really say what I think I heard? explains whatever we listen for determines what we hear. So rather than merely listen for problems, we must listen for the patterns in the problems: Lots of turnover? What are we ignoring that can be resolved? Bottom line decreasing due to competition? What are clients telling us that we haven’t been listening for?

Through the years, with clients and staff, coachees and colleagues, I have found the biggest obstacle to authentic communication is how imperfectly we hear others. Far too often we enter conversations with a bias and miss what’s being conveyed that falls outside the range of expectation. Imagine if we approach our conversations with the bias of kindness:

  • An employee is perpetually late with work assignments: is there something going on in the department, with other employees, with her work load, that is causing the problem?
  • Customer service folks must recognize patterns in complaints and become leaders in resolving problems rather than maintaining the status quo. I recently heard a rep say: “I’ve had lots of complaints about this. But there are no plans to fix it.”

How can we monetize kindness with staff and clients? It’s possible to make money AND be kind. Let’s begin the conversation.

About the Author

Sharon Drew Morgen is a visionary, original thinker, and thought leader in change management and decision facilitation. She works as a coach, trainer, speaker, and consultant, and has authored 9 books including the NYTimes Business BestsellerSelling with Integrity. Morgen developed the Buying Facilitation® method (www.sharondrewmorgen.com) in 1985 to facilitate change decisions, notably to help buyers buy and help leaders and coaches affect permanent change. Her newest book What? www.didihearyou.com explains how to close the gap between what’s said and what’s heard. She can be reached at [email protected]

Getting Your Message Across, In Principle

/in /by

It was Groucho Marx who said, “Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them … well, I have others.”

These are mine and I have no others.

Hi there! This article is available for free. Login or register as a StrategyDriven Personal Business Advisor Self-Guided Client by:

Subscribing to the Self Guided Program - It's Free!


 

About the Author

Michael ParkerMichael Parker is the author of It’s Not What You Say: How to Sell Your Message When It Matters Most, a former vice chairman of Saatchi &Saatchi London, and is one of the UK’s most experienced pitch coaches. He also competed as a hurdler in two Olympics and now brings his experience and competitive instincts to coaching, ranging from one-to-one interviews to major public speeches.