How much of what our clients intend us to understand say do we hear accurately?
How much of our own bias is involved?
What’s the difference between when we hear accurately what our clients mean, and when we make assumptions or bias what we think we heard?
As coaching and consulting professionals, we need to hear what’s been meant. Our jobs, and our client’s goals, depend on this. But sometimes we make assumptions that are inaccurate that cause us to lose clients, or set them down the wrong path. Sometimes we hear a biased version of what’s been said and as a result, believe our clients may have problems beyond what they say they have.
What’s stopping us from hearing as accurately as we should? And how can we correct ourselves if it turns out we might have misheard or misunderstood?
Webinar Details
This webinar is complimentary for professional coaches and consultants.
Topic: Learning to Hear What Our Clients Are Saying
Host: Sharon Drew Morgen, New York Times best-selling author and StrategyDriven Principal Contributor
Date: Friday, December 19, 2014
Time: 2:00 pm Eastern / 1:00 pm Central / 12:00 pm Mountain / 11:00 am Pacific
Go to www.didihearyou.com where you can get Sharon Drew’s new book, What? Did you really say what I think I heard?, and peruse the learning tools that accompany the book for those wishing to recognize any obstacles with their listening habits (Assessments) or learn how to overcome any bias and misinterpretation issues (Study Guide) that occur during conversations.
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We are not always able to accurately hear what others mean to convey. Sometimes we hear only a fraction of what’s been said and our brains misunderstand or bias the rest – and we might not realize it until it’s too late, causing us to believe we’re right and others are wrong, or moving to action using the wrong assumptions. We’re left with restricted communication and creativity, failed relationships, and lost profit. And none of it is our fault.
We try to attend carefully to what’s being said. Yet our pesky brains do some pretty sophisticated stuff, all without our conscious consent: they
delete or misconstrue or filter out what sounds wrong or goes against our beliefs or is unfamiliar, then
matches what’s left with a historic memory of a ‘similar-enough’ conversation and
throws out what doesn’t match that memory.
Whatever is left is what we believe has been said.
In conversations with familiar folks, there is less of a gap; with folks we don’t know, in dialogues that are outside of our habitual knowledge base, or when we enter conversations with a rigid goal, we accurately understand far less of what was actually meant. A problem occurs when we are convinced – certain – that what we heard is accurate, and don’t know when, if, or how, to take measures to fix a problem we don’t believe we have. As a result we unwittingly compromise relationships, business, partnerships, creativity, and success.
With little control over what our brains tell us we’ve heard, we’re left with the fallout:
Misunderstandings that remain unresolved because we believe – we’re certain – we’re right;
Bad feelings and take-aways caused by misheard communication;
Biased assumptions that cause inadequate responses and failed initiatives;
Misheard facts that lead to inaccuracies in business, technology, relationships;
Restricted creativity, laps in leadership, therapy, coaching, and medical advice.
We misunderstand doctors, make assumptions with our teenagers and vendors, bias communications with family members and colleagues, set up filters before conversations with historic relationships. Our lives are influenced by how accurately we hear what others mean to convey.
But a new book is out that will resolve these problems. What? Did you really say what I think I heard? not only describes how, exactly, our brains create the instinctive actions that limit our ability to hear others without bias or misunderstanding, but also shows how to intervene our automatic behaviors and hear others as they intend to be heard.
Different from books on Active Listening which merely enables listeners to hear words, What? focuses on understanding intended meaning. Using exercises and assessments, funny stories and authentic appeal, New York Times best selling author and StrategyDriven Principal Contributor, Sharon Drew Morgen has written a game changer, a book that thoroughly breaks down every aspect of how we interpret what others mean to tell us, how the understanding gap between Sender and Receiver is created, and the skills to avoid any misinterpretation or bias at all. It’s a book that will be the foremost communication book for decades and the book is being offered for free (no opt in).
Go to www.didihearyou.com where you can get the book, and peruse the learning tools that accompany the book for those wishing to recognize any obstacles with their listening habits (Assessments) or learn how to overcome any bias and misinterpretation issues (Study Guide) that occur during conversations.
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At the core of every great businessperson, is a set of solid characteristics. There are certain traits that every entrepreneur in the world has. If you are lucky enough to have these traits, you will succeed in the world of business. Some people think that anyone can start a business and make a decent profit. That is not true. It takes a special person to undertake the epic task of starting a company. If you don’t have what it takes, you will fail in your business career. Here are some important characteristics every business owner should have.
As you likely know, starting a business takes a lot of hard work and dedication. If you don’t have the motivation, you will struggle to survive as a business person. You will be working many hours with little reward for the first year or two of your business. You need some motivation to drive you forwards, or you will find that you give up before you make a success of your company. If you are a lazy person who gives up easily, you will never make it. Nobody can make you work. You need to want to work.
Creativity
It’s fine having motivation, but if you have nothing to work towards, what is the point? At the heart of every new business is a fantastic idea. You need to think of something original, which will make your company unique. Otherwise, you will not stand out from the crowd. Creative people always have new ideas and can expand on the ideas of others. That means that you can see ways to improve products and services. Few people are creative by nature. Many try to come up with new ideas, but few are innovative without trying.
Charisma
When you start a business, you need people to buy into it. That means that you have to find ways to convince people of how great your company is. If you are not a charismatic person, you will find it hard to sell your company to others. When you meet business contacts or clients, you need to charm them. When people fake charm, it can seem a little sleazy. Nobody wants to work with someone who is creepy and fake. Naturally charismatic people can sell anything to anything to anyone. If, when you talk to people, you can engage with them on a meaningful level right away, you are charismatic.
Decisiveness
Do you struggle to make decisions? If you do, maybe you are not the right person to start a business. When you are running a company, you need to make a lot of key decisions. If you hesitate or take too long to make a decision, you could lose money and waste opportunities. For example, let’s say there is Manchester office space available for a limited time. You might be unsure of whether you want to open a branch of your business in Manchester. A decisive person will make a decision fast and stick to it. An indecisive person will hesitate and miss an excellent opportunity.
Compassion
If you are not compassionate, it means that you don’t understand the needs of others. Your company provides products or services to people. Whether your business is B2B or B2C, you will still be serving someone. If you fail to understand what people need from you, your business will fail too. Studies show that people with a high level of compassion suit managerial roles best. Sometimes, it is difficult to understand what people need or want. If you are perceptive, you will pick up what people are thinking and develop your business to suit them.
Practicality
Trying to do a million things in a short space of time might not be a practical decision. When people don’t approach things in a practical manner, they find it hard to cope with all the jobs they have to do. A great entrepreneur is someone who can manage their time and their workload. If you dive into projects too fast or make irrational decisions, you will find it hard to make the most of your business. In fact, you might let the work overwhelm you. If that happens, you could stress yourself out and break down.
Intelligence
Intelligence doesn’t always mean that you are academic or that you have loads of qualifications. In fact, intelligence has little to do with degrees. What makes a person intelligent is how they approach certain situations. You will need to be emotionally intelligent in that you need to understand how others feel. You will also need to be intelligent in the way that you talk to people and sell to them. Running a company is a lot like a balancing act. You need to handle loads of projects at once. If you lack intelligence, you will find that you can’t handle the workload.
Resilience
When you first start a business, you will fail at something. Failure is part of life. It doesn’t matter if you don’t succeed the first time you try to do something. What matters is that you try again. When you take a hit, you need to get back up again and start over. If you let failure hold you back, you will never make a success of your life. It takes true resilience to try again when you fail at something. Failure knocks people’s confidence. That is normal. You need to get over it and move on, though if you want to be a great business owner.
Independence
When you run a business, you can’t afford to rely on anyone except yourself. You are the master of your destiny. In other careers, you always have people above you to look after you and check that you are doing things right. When you work for yourself, you are the only person who you can trust. If you need constant reassurance from others, you will not make a great entrepreneur. You need to find ways to work on an independent level so that you can go it alone.
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This year is the 50th anniversary of the passage of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. I was on the committee that wrote that legislation.
Diversity is most important for business, the economy and quality of life. I have conducted many diversity audits of companies. I have seen corporate America embrace diversity in many practices, including the workforce and suppliers.
Several years ago, we realized that specialized positioning and communications are necessary for social harmony and a global economy. We are a diverse population, and the same ways of communicating do not have desired effects anymore.
Diversity is about so much more than human resources issues. It means making the most of the organization that we can. It means being anything that we want to be. Diversity is not about quotas and should never be perceived as imposed punishment. By taking stock and planning creatively, then we can and will embody diversity.
The premise of multicultural diversity is ambitious and necessary to achieve. It is a mindset that must permeate organizations from top-down as well as bottom-up. If not pursued in a sophisticated, sensitive way, good intentions will be wasted.
The following pointers are offered to companies who communicate with niche publics:
Seek and train multi-cultural professionals.
Contribute to education in minority schools… assuring that the pipeline of promising talent can rise to challenges of the workforce.
Design public relations programs that embrace multicultural constituencies, rather than secondarily appeal to them after the fact.
Interface with community based groups, sharing in activities and civic service… to learn how communications will be received.
Realize that minority groups are highly diverse. Not every Asian knows each other, nor speaks the same language. There are as many subtle differences in every ethnic group as the next. Thus, multicultural communicating is highly customized.
Realize that multi-cultural communications applies to all. Black professionals do not just participate in African American community events. Cultivate communicators toward cross-culturization.
As media does a good job of showcasing multicultural events, note it positively. If thanked enough, media will continue to shine the light on multicultural diversity.
Sophistication in the gauging of public opinion will result in a higher caliber of communicating. The demands of an ever-changing world require that continuous improvement be made. Attention paid to writing and graphics quality will enhance the value of multicultural communications.
The old theory was that society is a Melting Pot. That philosophy evolved to the Salad Bowl concept. In either, one element still sinks to the bottom. We must now see it as a Mosaic or Patchwork Quilt. Each element blends and supports others. Diversity is a continuing process where we keep the elements mixed.
People believe that they are now thinking differently and creatively about diversity issues. In truth, they are really rearranging their existing prejudices. To be diverse and united, societies must be sealed with common purposes.
We can be diversified and unified at the same time. We can remain culturally diversified. We still can and should work together as a society. We all hold cultural values. One set is not better than another.
Look at the issues and how they affect the total person. Actions are always required. Good intentions and political correctness are not enough.
It is short sighted to ignore changes in society. It is good business to recognize opportunities for practice development. In the Chinese culture, every crisis is first recognized as a danger signal and always as an opportunity for overcoming obstacles.
Every professional must embrace a set of ethics:
Things for which each professional holds himself/herself accountable.
Holds benchmarks for Continuous Quality Improvement.
Realistically attainable goals.
Contains mechanisms to teach and mentor others.
Continually re-examines and adds to the list.
There are many good reasons why diversity relates to your livelihood:
Embracing diversity is politically correct.
Society will make increasing demands that you address these issues.
It makes good business sense.
It opens your services to additional market niches.
It embodies the spirit of open communications, the basis of winning companies.
This process creates more job opportunities for multicultural professionals.
And it is the right thing to do.
Quotes About Diversity
“What is food to one is to another bitter poison.”
Lucretius
“Variety’s the very spice of life, that gives it all its flavor.”
William Cowper, The Task
“Letting a hundred flowers blossom and a hundred schools of thought contend is the policy.”
Mao Tse-tung (1956)
“No pleasure lasts long unless there is variety to it.”
Pubililius Syrus
“It were not best that we should all think alike. It is difference of opinion that makes horse races.”
Mark Twain
“Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences. No one can eliminate prejudices. Just recognize them.”
Edward R. Murrow (1955)
“Diversity is the one true thing we all have in common. Celebrate it every day.”
Proverb
“When power leads man towards arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the area of man’s concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.”
President John F. Kennedy (1917-1963), honoring poet Robert Frost at Amherst College
About the Author
Power Stars to Light the Business Flame, by Hank Moore, encompasses a full-scope business perspective, invaluable for the corporate and small business markets. It is a compendium book, containing quotes and extrapolations into business culture, arranged in 76 business categories.
Hank’s latest book functions as a ‘PDR of business,’ a view of Big Picture strategies, methodologies and recommendations. This is a creative way of re-treading old knowledge to enable executives to master change rather than feel as they’re victims of it.
Power Stars to Light the Business Flame is now out in all three e-book formats: iTunes, Kindle, and Nook.
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In his famous poem, Robert Frost declared that he preferred to take “the road less travelled by.” I take that idea not only as a useful philosophy for life, but also as an even better guide for business.
When I began to buy and sell commercial real estate in 1968 I was told that the market had been weak for years, and I was foolish to even consider that kind of investment.
Luckily, my father raised me to be a contrarian.
I smiled and began to invest. The market soon improved dramatically. Since that time, I’ve continued to follow my father’s advice and grown my business into a billion dollar company.
“If everyone is buying, then sell,” he used to say. “If everyone is selling, then it’s time to buy.” He once called his stockbroker, Carr Neel Miller, and asked for his company’s research on the First Charter Financial Corporation. Mr. Miller said, “Fred, the Savings and Loan industry is so shaky that E. F. Hutton & Co. doesn’t even follow it. We have no research.”
My father smiled and bought 4,000 shares of First Charter Financial at $7.00 a share. Four years later, when brokerage houses were heartily recommending the stock, my dad sold First Charter at $28.00 a share. That’s a profit of 300 percent in four years.
It pays to be a contrarian.
Of course, being a contrarian doesn’t mean you always go against the grain. You have to be selective. But being a contrarian means that you are always willing to QUESTION your direction, especially when everyone else seems to be floating with the current.
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Alan Fox is the president of ACF Property Management, Inc, and author of The New York Times bestseller PEOPLE TOOLS: 54 Strategies for Building Relationships, Creating Joy, and Embracing Prosperity. He has university degrees in accounting, law, education, and professional writing. He was employed as a Tax Supervisor for a national CPA firm, established his own law firm, then founded a commercial real estate company in 1968 that now owns over one billion dollars in real estate. Fox is the founder, editor, and publisher of Rattle, one of the most respected literary magazines in the United States, and he sits on the board of directors of several non-profit foundations. Visit www.peopletoolsbook.com.
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A VETERAN OWNED SMALL BUSINESS | Call or text now for a FREE consultation: +1 (770) 765-3692 | 
Sharon Drew Morgen is founder of Morgen Facilitations, Inc. (www.newsalesparadigm.com). She is the visionary behind Buying Facilitation®, the decision facilitation model that enables people to change with integrity. A pioneer who has spoken about, written about, and taught the skills to help buyers buy, she is the author of the acclaimed New York Times Business Bestseller Selling with Integrity
and Dirty Little Secrets: Why buyers can’t buy and sellers can’t sell and what you can do about it
.
Power Stars to Light the Business Flame, by Hank Moore, encompasses a full-scope business perspective, invaluable for the corporate and small business markets. It is a compendium book, containing quotes and extrapolations into business culture, arranged in 76 business categories.
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